You

You consume me...stop!

Thank you for your love

Never give up
On your dreams On us...
Our love is light and stars and moonlight
however to see this light we have known the dark side and shadows in the bliss
Dark days and some of the darkest  nights try to tell Me turn around and go back go back
To fear the unknown but in the unknown there is absolute knowing absolute truth that has opened our hearts that we can not go back
This love is real and worth exploring the love that many have never felt or dared to dream and you and I have the hearts path connected to walk soul in soul and face the darkness and our light will lead the way
Thank you love for believing in our love and reminding me of your heart that loves me unlike you have ever loved another
In that alone you give me strength  to face the darkest hour
And believe in us
I love you

Believe in Us

I didn't listen to my soul

I listened to my mind 

My heart can see

My head is blind

So here I live in a house 

And sleep  in a bed

With a heart that's empty 

My path mislead

Come from within

Or go without 

How true this is 

That I started this doubt

Now I sit in limbo 

Reassessing my situation 

Questioning why my heart 

Would not lead me to my destination

So I wait for your return 

To look into your soul

See if you had the epiphany 

That our love too is the goal

Reunite in the culdesac

That forms into a heart

The place where we belong

That we never should part

My soul was awakened

Upon our encounter

My mind was a savage 

Which tried to discount it

I am listening from the depths now

And trusting my intuition 

And believing my first instinct

That you are my completion

I felt it in your eyes

With one touch of your hand 

A simple kiss of your lips

Across all the lands 

Our love is part of the universe

The souls reincarnation

Our place of belonging

Our journey our destination

We loved a thousand years ago

We love still now today

Tomorrow forever

Infinitely all ways 

Our souls are blankets weaved together 

Across the universe in between dreams

This extraordinary love is magical

In which we always know and believe

The rational pessimists the mind which tried to fool my heart

I believe in this love and will not let anything pull us apart

.....love is blind....

I scream it out in eyes heart mind soul spirit and through my blog to my closest friends my dear... That my love for you runs deep and how I am willing to run to the ends of the earth for you. You have kept me your little secret and don't run out to meet me in the night or hide under a blanket to call me or send me a note of your love. You tell me what I want to hear when I beg to hear you say it... But it's authenticity is not screaming that you would run to the ends of the earth for me or that you'd risk your comfort or show the world the love you claim to have ... Love is blind because although i say this and see the truth...somehow I still want to believe you do love me... Actions speak volumes and  I am still waiting to see you act out your " absolute" love but I may never see it because that may be only for the home in which you dwell and rush home to every night and dare not leave to call me when you say you will... I'm a fool and again I made you another CD you will never listen to and write another letter you don't care to read. Awww what doesn't kill you makes you stronger and i gain strength in every crack of my heart and I will be able to lift the world to great heights with my insight.

Your thought on us?

What do you feel is the give and take with us?
I feel a lot that I give a lot and feel left needing and wanting more ....whats your thoughts on this?
Do you feel you give as much as you should and can? I dont mean this to be rude, I just want your honest opinion of what you feel you bring to this relationship and if it is in alignment with what i bring?
I have written you so many things here...and you have read like 2 things out of 20 in 2 weeks...I love to hear everything you say and write to me and when you dont have me on facebook any more and you cant really text me and barely respond to the texts or here...it makes me feel as if its really not valuable to you? Is this blog and communication of no value? If so then I wont waste my words assuming you will read it - if you dont like to..and only do it to pacify me.

----------longing ------

and you carry on - with your happy life and jealous you are off early and home with her and I am working and wont be seeing you until you are single...when?
"I am just trying to get through the day" he said
As everyday...you try and get through with no action in place and I wait


N
  E
    E
      D

          T
            O

                L

                   E

                      T

                           G OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Do you care?

Do you

Be clear -- what you want and it shall be

My Demise

I know you get busy - too busy to respond.
Life has you running in circles or you just dont care to bond
This break and separation ails me minute to minute
This life of mine I am living feels incomplete without you in it
Its obsessive its madness and  crazy love struck sick
Why in all the world was it you that my heart decided to pick
You call me on occasion and limit your words and time
Although in the beginning you assured me your heart was mine
You share a bed with another and I barely can speak her name
As I think of you with her puts me in a sense of shame
You tell me so sincerely that your love for me is more than real
Than why are you still sharing a home with her and ignoring how I feel
This is my demise, and I need to erase you from my mind
Because you are not fighting for us like I do everytime.

More Love from the Past

I want to feel you hold me

Kiss my neck and let the worries of the world be forgotten if only for that moment

Your hands clenched with mine as we walk side by side allowing us to dream about the possibilities and all we can achieve in the face of true love.

How my mind wanders and dreams of the day we can be together live in a place of love and freedom free to be all we are and free to love as we are meant to in this life

I imagine all these crazy things…this is what love stories are made of

Why songs are written

Lifetimes have passed and I am pretty sure you have been a part of them all

This life should not be one without us

4-23-2012

The moment we reunited…there was the feeling of familiarity as if no time had passed but so much had

There was a sort of feeling that left me outside of myself as I drove away, as if I was losing something, or something had been missing all my life

The need to go back and never leave has never left me since that Friday at the park

My mind is in a constant state of rearranging my life to make this work, how can we all be happy and no tears be shed

Thursday cant come fast enough and time is standing still

How my heart is now beating is so different from years ago and I wish not to go back to the days of just existing.

I feel alive…I feel alive…I feel inspired and alive.

Love – oh how I missed you.

10 days after we met.....my thoughts I had written down

This is the kind of stuff love songs are written for

This is the kind of stuff love stories are made of, the place where time and space are of no regard and hearts rule the universe

The magic happens and it shall remain because Maktub

You have swept me up and I am in this tunnel of love swirling me around continuously with each word you speak –

Its too easy how your words slide off your tongue and how it melts me to the core that its so good it cant be made up.

I can barely contain this feeling and want to shout “I am in love” from the tallest buildings in the world

“I am in crazy mad love that makes no sense at all – but its happening in me and I cant contain this.”

The secret love is not so secret – I am wearing it on my face, I am carrying the love all around me…everywhere I tread

Mysterious love – mysterious insights this feeling that I want to cry...cry tears of joy and sadness…sad that I have been missing this and sad that in order to have this love, I may hurt so many surrounding me.

Rumi

Love Love Love - remember me

LOML

Love of my life - do you read these?
I wish you could call me....I miss you too much already.
I hope you miss me more....I do.....
Love you

I will miss you

How do I find the good in good bye?
The love which has formed figure eights around the universe and solar system a thousand times...must be cut and thread together once again some day.
Will it be this life or another.
My heart cries for the world, the world will never know another love like ours and the universe is sad.
I wait for you, my soul knows you - my love for you is infinite and I will miss you.

COMMMEEEE ONN!!!

You called me one minute ago and now nada? WTH?!
come tonight!
or at 2am

ok...

Ok you are not a liar--- just have a hard time with follow thru - stop that and make me feel important - follow through and love me - when in doubt whip it out - dont just walk away from me.
I love you so much that I will stalk you down and tie you up before I let you leave LOL
haha
Love u!

Believe

When people show you who they are.... Believe them the first time.

You broke my heart twice
I took more than you gave and you were like a vampire sucking the light and life from me
With no regard you leave me breathless and in an almost lifeless state but still you do nothing to save me
You promised you would you promised you wouldn't hurts again empty promises
And I am the one who must endure the pain in your lies
Fuck off

Fool

Lies to my face right into my ear
Your follow thru record for me is unforgivable.
As the old adage says .... Fool me once, shame on you fool me twice shame on me. I wanted so badly to believe that this was real absolute
It's absolute alright... Absolutely foolish.
To put you on the level I did I must have been out of my mind that level existed once and died twelve years ago
You are a lesson in life that I am greatful for.
I am greatful that you showed me who you are and how I fit into your life before I left a life that dso graciously accepts and loves me even in my darkest hour.
Thank you for showing me now I will not be fooled again.
My heart may be broken right now but I will grow in light and love and rise above since it was never really anything but my imagination.
You'll call me tomorrow... Tomorrow never comes and you are a liar.
No thank you
Not real that's for sure

.....and

And a fool I was again you never really cared but I dared to believe in such a feeling because I wanted so badly to believe you loved me infinitely
however you said the things I wanted to hear for the sake of saving me...
Liar don't spare me with lies because your feeble attempts to pacify me is not saving anyone but yourself... To feel noble and grand when really you know you are dragging out the impending doom of truth you are delaying to impose upon me... That you never planned on leaving and our uniting was but a myth. I see through your words to your lack of movement and actionless persona.., words are so enticing but only lip service... No thank you .. No more

Day 3

I caved and drunk texted you last night. I missed you so much and not hearing your voice for over 24 hours is hard. I effed up texting... Sorry love. I am always thinking of you and dreaming of you in my day to day life.   Looking into your beautiful blue eyes which glow in light and love when locked with mine. You fill my life and i miss you... I am torturing myself I imagine by looking at your facebook intently over and over again... Seeing the posts I know that were for me in some way. Love you now tomorrow and forever.

Day 2

Varied thoughts on the separation under attempt... It seems that the connection is not severed as we have this social media in which we communicate passively may really be a hinderance to our objective.  Although I almost feel that it is a necessity to our soulful survival. I love you today as I did yesterday and although I waiver on leaving here.. I never waiver that you are the one I love and want to be with for my life. My waiver of leaving has nothing to do with love only reason and monetary accumulation of things...sad but true that is a lot of my current pros cons list. Of course the life and heart of my son are a factor as well and in the reason and monetary factors it is hugely associated. My ability to provide as I do in my current state may suffer but just writing this now I think how lame  to let that control your hearts desire. I just want him to be happy and I can fake it I imagine 15 years but what example of love would I be teaching him
When he is in search of a life partner if I sacrifice extraordinary love? Would he do the same for the sake of " stability" and " things"

Day 4

I caved on day 3 and still called you on Day 4 morning...which messes up the whole day. I waited for you during lunch and although thats the time that works for both of us...(me) not just your off time...you didnt call and blew me off when I called you. Annoyed, so instead of getting mad - I just texted you a pass not to call or text me as originally decided and with that - I will begin again to let you get the separation you have requested. I need to be respectful and let it go.I do know that I am a little insecure with you because I have been hurt from you before and to this day I doubt things when you are not into it like I am. Makes me question this...us...and me taking the chance for the sure thing...for what I believe is magic love. This magic love hurts me at times and makes me feel insecure, jealous at times and that cant be magic? No doubt passionate...but the always safe theory is not true...because I am so in love with you I cant be safe in that vulnerability...because I put my heart out there which could be crushed so easily.

Waiting -- on time -- Faith -- Love

Wating on Faith Time Love -- what will be - Decisions of two
Torn in half

I dont like who I am when I am not with you.
When I am with you I love me and who I am and the person I feel I can be.
Away from you I am neurotic, crazy, obsessive, nervous, longing, insecure and scared to lose you.

Actions

This is how its starting...not good...none of this.
I think we have given each other what we needed.
Love is love and love lingers on but some loves go away and arent meant to stay.

This is not for me...waiting to be loved, called, held, being 2nd to everything else.

No this isnt for me.

I will learn to live another day..and grow another day.
What doesnt kill you makes you stronger and I know that this was for a purpose whatever it was...but for something I am sure.

And I have faith that love comes in many forms and this was one that formed me to see what I am worth and willing to accept or not.

And love in limits is not a love at all....endless love, infinite love is all I will ever accept...nothing less ever again.

---

Dreams

To believe in a dream is to give hope to the world, and have faith that possibilities are endless and they are attainable...
But there are times like these where dreams are only but a perception from our imagination....and we need to see it as just that.
Waking up today I know that half of this year I was living in an alternate state of existence - a dream sequence of my life - which included love and passion, tears and heartache and I woke up today, from what was a beautiful nightmare.
A love that was brought to me by the grace of god and waking up from it is a nightmare...the dream is over and I cant go back...this love was only a dream that I hope fades from my memory as it is too painful to remember... this dream, in which a love I felt deeply was unattainable.
A love like grass that will grow through concrete...unstoppable...how childish, silly girl fairytales dont exist.

I see

I see you are not as happy as you used to be...

I am bringing you
Down

D
 O
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    N

And I am sorry that you came into my life that I damaged what you had, which was good enough.
And I....well...I demand too much and the one that shares my bed obliges.

Somehow the joy and love in your eyes has faded as I seem to be sucking the life from you which I once brought to your soul.
And I...well...I am living proof that the love in ones eyes can fade oh so quickly with dissapointments.

Sorry that I found you to be a person to portray a fairytale upon and pressured you into a love that may have not ever really been but a fantasy for both of us...and made you question what you had, which was good enough.
And I..well...I am a hypocrite - telling you actions speak louder than words.

I preached to you "faith in love" above all "faith in our souls" "love reign supreme" and you and I are "what dreams are made of"
And I..well..I doubted and self destructed what we were trying to be and I...well..I am sorry for ruining your life.

Listen....

Love will set you free from

The prisons in your mind

Have faith and no doubt

That love will come in time

The love that sets you free and lights up your eyes 

Will be your saving grace and ultimate prize

Be true to who you are be clear about what you want

Do not ignore the yearnings in your soul that haunt

Your soul knows the truth your purpose your dreams

So listen carefully 

Love Reign Supreme - Then & Now

Don't give up on what we are tryin to be..

Remember what brought us here was a calling within the depths of our core, soul heart.. Our souls desire, ideal for what you once called " love reign supreme",
the thing that awoke us to all the magic around every corner of every part of the universe around us. 

Something extraordinary bringing enlightenment, light, health and peace - in sobriety under a tree in the park on random tuesdays.

What we desired to bring to inspire us... the universe conspired to put it right in front of us.. as we wished. 

Our zombie like lives on auto pilot not being aware of the world inside us finally came to fruition and all the material life surrounding us became the illusion.

I think somewhere in the morning alarm clock sound and dinner time we have started to drift from the purpose, our ideal, absolute, free love, the map that has lead us back to eachother - twin souls... and now I am reminding you/us to be conscious of our thoughts, do not fall back into the zombie like state which will pull us apart ...our purpose be buried and try to make us fear what we know to be our destiny in life and love.

I just want to tell you I am trying to stay focused on what made us both happier than we had remembered being for years, the connection we know to be true with one touch, one glance, one kiss...
It was the connection to our inner beauty and belief that love like what we have is real and can and will conquer and it shall reign supreme - my absolute love - then and now Love Reign Supreme.

Wake up and remember who you are what you want, what makes you happy and what makes you feel alive... Don't fall back into zombie land ... That's where the real dark is because in that state you feel neither joy or pain but are just a creature walking the earth without real purpose - numb.

I love you. Thank you for coming into my life, my soul asked for you, and you answered one day via Internet connections and although I cannot see you thru that social media now -  I have always known you and believe in what we are tryin to be...

The magical force of what real love looks like and some people can only dream of, the love in which songs are written, the love that inspires me to write poetic creations, the love that charms me from your hands touching my skin, the love you can see in ones eyes without words.
I love you and believe in us. 

I miss you penguin.

Funny

And....

I am excited to be naked with you for hours on end...(just sayin')
:)


(side note: and that never really happened)

Get out of my head

Hope you are feeling better.....love you --- stop making me think of you!

Count the Ways....

Baby, you tell me you love me more than you have ever loved anyone in your life in this way as a partner, girlfriend, romantically, other than him which was as a best friend...
what is it you love about me? I can be crazy neurotic, passionate, mean...so what is it you really love about me? count the ways....tell me my love (lobe)

(side note: thats asking too much for you to give me what I need...you pulled back and stating anything of love is not for you anymore...foolish me...foolish girl...words of affirmation...not your thing anymore)

Wow

What a long morning it is without hearing your voice....do you feel the same?
Its like an anxious feeling - missing you xoxoox

Our Love Story

Words of Affirmation....My sweet love - send me love notes that fill me and get me through our days away.

"Your so busy changin' the world - just one smile can change all of mine, we share the same soul oh oh oh oh we share the same soul oh oh oh oh" ~ Jack Johnson

"I hear in my mind all of this music, I hear in my mind, all of these words, I hear in my mind all of this music, and it breaks my heart my ha ha ha ha heart" ~ Regina Spektor

I love your lovely words to me....it fills me up!


(side note: my poetic notions and no response...I reassure you of my eternal love and my need to hear your love when I cannot feel your presence...was asking too much...far too busy putting everyone before me)

Also?

Do you want me to take that Thursday off? Or just get off early? Or no?
Let me know when you are free to talk today. LOVE U

Hurry home To me

Hope you slept well and feel better very soon I can't wait til you are back and we can spend time together waking up to u making love and sleeping in your arms. So anticipating the exploration of our bodies soul and mind and join as one intimately soulfully. Share my mornings days and nights witth you without so many restrictions. I fantasize until then. I want to make them some of your most beautiful memories. I want to cook together. I want to snuggle with you,  watch movies, go for a hike, read together have moments of crazy ecstasy. Hurry home my sm penguin. Feed you with vitamin C and you fill me with vitamin B. mad purposeful passionate absolute love. Muah love love love you! From here to all the universes stars and solar systems in the sky. A love like this may come once, baby it's fate not luck. Miss u already!

Be there by 5.50 please wait

Lmk?

When we first came together all I was felt and put into the universe was beautiful and magic... The person I was, was one with an enthusiasm for life and love --  a better person...
 Right now in our distance from each other and limited time, yeah I even am not liking who I am  and I need to work on that (so maybe you are making me a better person -because I see my faults that I need change me into the greatness I know I can be) - 
I want to be a better person because of you
I  know next to you I am a better me...
Without you I am not so much and I am hard to love (sorry)

Let me know where and when u can meet today and I'll be there  to see u
.., but please answer the question I keep asking...

Are you going to make hunting happen ?
Please tell me... It's really  the one thing I want right now more than anything in this darkness - 
that light is keeping me alive ( dramatic)
but honestly the patience I lack will hopefully come to the forefront for that reward if I can see the reward of being with you when you return.

Ilybh from the core of my being

 your soul mate for eternity,

CH

??

Not sure how u r going to "call" me back I actually thought use have just pulled into town so I roughly I'd call u before you got home you treated like a fucking burden and you should be happy to hear from me get my calls and be excited to have a moment to spend time with me and want to spend your time with me as I am all so willing to give and put out there... I guess all of this Abd how you are with me and my ability to give all I want to give And share with you is so far out of my control I am grasping for any shred of hope that all of this was not for nothing but seems the more I reach the further you push away and I am sorry that my hearty and soul are do fucking invested I  am having a hard time severing this of that's what you want... And no I am too in love With you to just be your friend. I still don't know if you  are trying to tell me something based on your other blog response or what but where I stand do you? Is this real ... Living in the dark looking for the light in your eyes to save me
Callu office I guess or blog me with a time to call or just try to answer here... Will I see you when u get back are we going to have those days and nights together? Please tell me..my hope is there in those nights that we may share as the us I know we can be love misss us what I know we really are behind this mask of my insanity
I love u

Not

Please reply

I need my vitamin and I got that response I am sick to my stomach. Are you telling me you love me as a friend your not ok with us.., and i need to respect you and your family but you will always love me. Every time I try to make a plan for us to see each other or work out details you always say I don't know or I am not sure I can't think that far ahead makes me feel like its not important to you I am not important to you. Please fill me up I am but a body with an empty soul my heart feel like it is being ripped from my chest. I texted you and told you I miss your loving words and compliments and heart filled eyes that bring life to me and the response I got was that I am selfish in other words and need to think about others. And I am up alone right now reaching for any sense of reason of this affair. Any sense of if your love for me is real or if you are only saying u love me to save your life so that I don't ruin it if you break my heart. No matter how crazy I get that's one thing I know and you can be sure of I am not going to go boil your chickens okay? So please call me tomorrow... Text me blog me tell me what's happening here. Like I said a million times I just want you to be able to commit to me for when you return. I need some reassurance I am need your love... But if it is not true and it is not real but only a cover do that I don't go "psycho" then just fucking tell me now. I am only waiting to be with you when u return and if you have no intention to carry it out please just tell me something. The I don't knows and the lack of enthusiasm hurts.

When in doubt whip it out I need more than anything for you to whip it out love love love.... Do u have it or is that just a distant memory?

Fuck I miss you and quality time with you..

What?

I think your last reply was telling me off.,, you said you are sure u are making me a better person? What do u mean that u are not making me a better person. It's 2 an and I can't sleep again with u on my mind. You want me out of your life for good or are you going to make it happen when you get back? FYI the reason I texted that to u ws because online I can only send a certainount of characters and I needed to say hthose things. You say you love me but what does that mean
to you when I am thirsty and get a response after pouring my heart out to u and I am being told I am disrespectful. I can't win here I am not enuf for you don't fool me just let me go if you know you won't be with me in 2 weeks it's the only life line I am
Holding into at this point if you aren't in It please tells now I can hardly stand the waiting if it's only disappointment. I love you and a little part of me dies everyday we are apart

PDFAM

Please don't forget about me and may your heart guide you back to me very soon..I miss you loving me your compliments your kind words the life you breathe into me and it. Seems lately I have been not seeing or feeling what I remember your souls light to shine in me and seems the break may be the only way I I will be able to know truly if you are as in love as you profess to me... You'll return as planned if so and so I need to let you free for now.... Ilyfe

I want to hibernate until all my sadness is buried so deep that I feel nothing.

Sad without you... Sad in the not knowing..waiting for you to return and save me for. This limbo. I am dreaming of the days n nights I can lay with you in your arms and only hope that you are feeling the need and desire to be with me the love you say is deeper than any you have known before. While waiting for u I wonder if you miss me half as much as I do you. I wonder if I went away would you notice?

(side note: no because when I leave you assume -  I will return -- and believe that I will keep giving - I am drained - My love is not a joke - so stop laughing when you take my heart and stab it and watch it bleed)

Has it lost its meaning...

I share  it all - I put it all out here?
Do you care to read all of these things?
Have they lost their meaning and because I give it so freely?
I just wonder if any of this is of any substance to you -- and if I should continue sharing..
You havent replied much and it looks like you only read a little here or there.
I miss your voice, your texts, the lovely things you use to say before...I loved your love notes and miss them.
So often how something beautiful from your heart and soul can change my day.
I hate this distance.
I hate this longing.
I love you across the miles and can hardly feel your love in this space between...and I am grasping for anything to save my world.

I love you ...

(side note: no it means nothing...it lost its meaning...as I have lost my need to show you a love you take for granted)

All out here

Its all out here for the world to see - but I only want you to see it and appreciate it read it, feel it, love it...respond.

You are probably too tired...and I am too open.

Miss you