Sorry

Sorry love for the loss of your little Betty... I love you and pray that comfort of angels wings come to you and your family and gives you peace in this time of sorrow. I wish I had better words or something to ease your worrisome mind and heavy hearts.
I love you and sorry is all I can say.

Nerd

You will love me til
The end of time only with blue jeans
It's a song nerd  love u

Blue Jeans.. I will love you til the end of time

Blue jeans, White shirt
Walked into the room you know you made my eyes burn
It was like James Dean, for sure
You so fresh to death & sick as ca-cancer
You were sorta punk rock, I grew up on hip hop
But you fit me better than my favorite sweater, and I know
That love is mean, and love hurts
But I still remember that day we met in December, oh baby!

I will love you till the end of time
I would wait a million years
Promise you'll remember that you're mine
Baby can you see through the tears?
Love you more
Than those bitches before
Say you'll remember, oh baby, say you'll remember
I will love you till the end of time

Big dreams, gangster
Said you had to leave to start your life over
I was like: "no please, stay here,"
We don't need no money we can make it all work
But he headed out on Sunday, said he'd come home Monday
I stayed up waitin', anticipatin' and pacin' but he was
Chasing paper
"Caught up in the game" that was the last I heard

I will love you till the end of time
I would wait a million years
Promise you'll remember that you're mine
Baby can you see through the tears?
Love you more
Than those bitches before
Say you'll remember, oh baby, say you'll remember
I will love you till the end of time

You went out every night
And baby that's alright
I told you that no matter what you did I'd be by your side
Cause Ima ride or die
Whether you fail or fly
Well shit, at least you tried.
But when you walked out that door, a piece of me died
I told you I wanted more-but that not what I had in mind
I just want it like before
We were dancin' all night
Then they took you away- stole you out of my life
You just need to remember...

I will love you till the end of time
I would wait a million years
Promise you'll remember that you're mine
Baby can you see through the tears?
Love you more
Than those bitches before
Say you'll remember, oh baby, say you'll remember
I will love you till the end of time

Lana Del Rey Blue Jeans lyrics found onhttp://www.directlyrics.com/lana-del-rey-blue-jeans-lyrics.html

LRS8

Listening to Oprah Radio and here I am working on us preparing and wanting to know how you are in a relationship

Are you open?

Do you feel like working hard and bringing home a paycheck defines you as a partner and is enough?

Do you remember bdays, anniversaries, special dates?

Or will everyday be as special as it is with one another?

I just want us to always be good…and not get to where we are now in our worlds

 just want you to know I don’t demand but I command that love reign supreme and as long as the love is ever present --- I believe our souls like trees from centuries past will stay intertwined and live in the soul of the universe…

I love you

My muse…………

LRS8

(Love Reign Supreme Infinitely)

Thank you

Thank you for being so attentive to me this week and showing me your love.
It means so much to me - and puts a smile in my heart and erases doubt that arises during our moments of chaos and inability to look in the eyes of love.

2gether

Thank you for your "mature" love
Together you can make me mature and I can teach you to be childlike
Awww what a beautiful balance.
Better together for sure.

I love u penguin

Remember

Remember above all ... I love you!

Remember

Remember above all ... I love you!

Eff it!

You haven't read this stuff really since fucking August!
You skip over and honestly maybe u just effin like to come here to a place where you can see that someone takes time to write for you!
Yes I am bitter now more n more resentful
Thinkin again n again how you fucking put me aside and don't make me important
Well fuck what do I expect? I am your mistress that's it " love" yeah right ! Really charming way to keep me hanging on!
Fuck this!
Hmmmm let me Think ummm yeah last week before thanksgiving I get off early and ask to see you and you know what? You left work early again for your friends And then
Wouldn't leave to come see me because you were too busy once again!
When we went to mesquite you fucking left me at 6 am why because you had to get there by 8 for what for her?! Oh yes shes the one you made a vow with... Not me wtf?! Who do I think I am?
I guess I am a fucking idiot with you that's only partial... How many times you fucking got off early or go out hunting late or whatever for whoever and I am last fucking choice
Im not doing this you are right I need to love me more and as long
As this is acceptable I show you that's it's ok to shit on me
I am fucking getting over you if it's the only thing I will to the universe I have to now because I feel like throwing up falling in love with you so much that I am waiting every effing day for you to say I am the one and you choose me
Guess what I choose myself
So go
Go help your buddy
Go race
Go hunt n hike and travel to great places with her and forget about me oh wait you do everyday every five minutes every text every phone call
And effort I make you forget about me and now it's me that must forget about you
I am amazing And worth more than What you give me in limits
I am love and deserve the love I give back and more!

WTF?!

The question is why do I bother?

I fucking try to let you go – I try to give you space – I try to love you right and make you feel so important

And in all my efforts I am disappointed- let me down again

Never should’ve fallen in love

Sometimes – I want to take your heart and break it – because without you my heart is broken and I want you to feel my pain so you want to save me.

But because you love me and my heart and care to care for it – but no…

Once again I am  your second choice

Being your back burner girl –

You cant commit to a show with me

But you get off work early to hunt, you take off weeks to race

Your buddy is here so you plan to hike hours on end although I make dates for us so we can spend time – but it is ALWAYS me planning lunch dates / meet ups / aren’t I?

Yeah – how sad!!

You do come through a lot but its always me trying to see you, making plans….

WHAT THE FUCK!!?!!??!?!??!?
WHY AM I NOT WORTH MAKING PLANS FOR WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!??!?!

Dying

Slowly dying
I wish for 10 minutes you could endure this - so you would understand this feeling
And as much as I would hate to see you go throught this - I feel like it is only then would you realize how my heaven can turn to hell in a matter of moments and my will to live can dissapate into a place and I only wish that God would take me from this fucking pain

So what?

So what if you forget about me? Then I wouldn't want to have you really because I wouldn't want to be with someone that could so easily.
I know I need to let this happen the space and time the distance the silence the break but I don't want to be without you
I know it's only been a few days but I really don't think I want to or can make this work
Maybe but maybe not
You have my heart and although I am sharing a house and bed here my heart and love is living in you and I believe that's where I belong is next to you with you a life of authentic romantic love you have My heart
And I love you
I want you to be happy if I can't be the one to make you happy it is ok
I need to really let you figure it out
But I fucking love you and miss you like crazy

:(

How are u so strong ?
I've called you twice and written you And texted I just don't want to life without you :(

Weak

Whatever is meant to be will work out perfectly just need to believe
I am weak today and checking to see if you gave checked here and you haven't
I believe yes you are stronger than me
I am weak missing you in sobriety
I find in my sober hours and moments is when I miss you the most
I think that's good and shows the truth of my feelings? Or is it when you are drunk your true emotions arise...
I like that I love and miss you without being intoxicated it means more to me that our love is imminent even in the morning sun
I am weak right now and do close to calling you but I know I need to respect us you this process and really allow you to give it an honest try without my interference although the little girl
in me wants to scream for my golden goose now!
But I must wait
Patience shall better me I hope
I love you and miss my soul mate
Weak in the sober hours
Time to drink

Missing love

One day down
one day is too many without you
The moon is out and I remember what you said
The light in the sky reminds me that I just need to inhale the air outside and somehow your breath whispers in the wind to my cheek and I feel your love
I send out  a kiss and I also believe it will  float to where you are and it remind you in your moments of dismay of the love that is in its truest form...absolute love exists
I love you more than words 
Happy Thanksgiving
Missing your eyes missing your love 

You m

Wide awake

Since 3am wide awake again :(

Really

Ive been saying "spirit wife" forever...and you just barely got it...
Dont you remmeber? I said remember she is your wife now and can make your life hell here...I on the other hand as your spirit wife can make it hell for eternity...so you better call me back! (haha)

Anyways, just goes the show you - I think you stopped really reading and appreciating my blog, love notes, poems, songs messages for you -its those little things, it makes me distant.

anyways...ilyfe
and one day when I am not just a phone call away maybe you will read all of these and listen to all the songs that sing to me of us....that I put together - for you...

all for you --

the break in opposite directions - will start soon...and if we are to meet in the culdesac de la corazon we will see...

It's time

"Don't spend your life with someone you can live with, spend your life with someone you can't live without."

"seeing is believing, but sometimes the realist things you can't see"

Think about that and really ponder that when making your choice.
The time is here.
No more back n forth it's really not good for either of us
Whatever your choice I love you ... My love is "maturing" I want you to be happy and sure about your choice same for me.
I'm not sure what the future will bring and there are no guarantees but I need to feel very secure that you are very sure about me if I'm the one
I don't want to be with you if you are on the fence and think for one second you want to go back to her.
Seriously

Love love love you
Really figure it out... It's time
Kaoaw
SM
It's time

7 months

7 months today
Crazy how time flies..
The roller coaster of our lives and the clearness of us is murky in all this whirlwind.
We kicked up some dust and became engulfed in the tornado, and what was clear as the sunshine through the clouds on a spring day, has become a bit of a dust storm swirling around like dirt from off road racing in the Baja desert.
Paulo once wrote that "a week is more than enough time to make a decision" and I see that he was true in those words.
As I have seen, the more weeks and seasons that pass, the clarity that had once befallen us as a gift of love and rescue... has now trapped us with fear of doing nothing at all.
So we sit and wait for the world to come to us again we continue to wait in the wings of time.
Because as we knew months ago, something this extraordinary may only come once and may pass us like the wind in autumn and the leaves that have fallen and blown away may take root somewhere else from our lack of movement.
Love you in the wind, the tornados and sunshine through the years, however to really hold that love I ponder the image, as it seems the longer we have waited the harder it is becoming to take flight with our untamed forbidden passionate love affair.

IMY

IMY already
The moon will save me tonight...when I am lonely
Knowing we are under the same sky I can sleep sound - I love you

Dove of Love

While you are out - please get a calling card
When you call from your cell there wont be a trace except for the 800 number you call thats the calling card number...well...if you can.
I love you
I saw your pic on PR site off to Baja - cute pic
I love you - love love
I want you happy - if you want to work on your life with her - lmk and I will give you the space babay
Missing you
LMK when I can call if you cant get a calling card yet
Have fun but not so much fun you forget about me - unless of course thats what you want ;)
Thank you for your love notes today...I love you bh -
lyc
future ch -
SM-Penguin-Dove of Love
Spirit wife -- KAO

LYLLAW

Love you love love always

My heart is in dissaray the journey has brought me to this place
I struggle between the then and now
And what I want and how
My committments to him have me torn in a place of sadness
The father of my child and his well being

I know you have got to find time that you can talk really
I guess I'll just see what time you actually make
Imy
You said you'd work on the truck n be able to text
What happened today
My phone died but I was looking forward to seeing something from u
Expect nothing=never be Disaapointed
Love uuuuuuuu
Wish I was with you

Bummer

I thought u were leaving at 6
No texts nada what happened love love?

Not if but when

My soul misses you
My ears miss your voice
My mouth misses your taste
My eyes miss your eyes
Mirror reflecting back at me I see you love me through your eyes
My body misses your embrace
And I know not if I know but when
When we embrace again we become one and we breathe easier with this incredible love and connection
Thank you for getting me and my thoughts on signs love and magic
Believing in us and adding beauty to my dreams and making them come true

Hi

So when are you leaving? Miss you this morning imagining our moments yesterday and hearing what you said in my head and what you will do to me when we are able to be together free love and filling me up with your love as I hold onto it as long as I can throughout the day.
Good stuff good visual love.
Write me a love letter
Talk to me thru this until you lose service
 I miss you 8
Ilyfetnaaw1000yrsmore

So mean

Meanest boy I know

Hung up on and ignored 

And rude to the core you change on a dime

Like that wheeeeeeewewww

You show me everyday in some slight way and my eyes are blinded by love .... Saddest girl in the world waiting for the unrequited love 

Time?

So how u doing on time? Want capriottis?

Signs

The 2s
The 3s
The meant to be's
Fireworks
Dragonflies
Pigeons
Peace and ecstacy
Penguins
Soul mates...Confirmation -- dont forget what we are trying to be

there is no other way

I love you ---------------

pigeon OMENS - TRUE LOVE - PEACE - FREE

Omens From the Animal Kingdom...The Messages of Dove and Pigeon

Contrary to popular belief, doves and pigeons are the same family, just slightly different species.  When one knows the family of Columbidae, of the order Columbiform, as I do, having lived with them for well over twenty years, one gets to know much about these wonderfully dear, sweet, noisy, and messy birds.

Ornithologically, people tend to just place the smaller breeds, such as the Mourning, White-Winged, and Inca, in the category of doves while the larger, such as the Rock, Homing, and Blue-Crowned, are spoken of as being pigeons.  I could go on about the scientific information regarding these delightful creatures of the air, but I won't just right now.

Omens connected with these powdery avians are often that of ill-omens; such as death coming to the house that they land on and miners would not enter a mine-shaft if they saw doves anywhere the opening.  On the other hand, they are also seen as good luck indicating that the soul of a deceased love from a past life has found you and is bringing you the love that you truly desire.  What a history of duality -- love and death.  They often do seem to go hand-in-hand, though.

To see these birds in dreams has many meanings: if several are seen on a tree limb and able to fly free, then unexpected happiness is said to be coming to the dreamer.  If a group of birds, any birds, are seen in a cage, though, unexpected happiness is still said to be coming, that the happiness will give the dreamer a feeling of being caged or trapped in the long run.  To kill either a dove or a pigeon, whether in a dream or in reality, does not bode well for the one who does the killing.  Serious financial worries will befall the person or the group.  If one sees this done, but doesn't participate, they will suffer the same fate financially if they don't somehow attempt to correct this miscarriage to the animal kingdom.

The message of dove and pigeon are something entirely different, though.  Their message and energy is that of Peace, returning to the home, nurturing to the young, and Love.  Their strongest times of the day are at sunrise and sunset when their coos and cries can be heard very well, if listened for, in cities and rural areas alike.  If one takes the time to listen to their songs, their voices, one will be able to tap into the true inner Peace of the soul's purpose along with the needs of those around them.  These birds are quite monogomous in their "marital" relationships and will often die if their mate is lost or killed.  They are a communal energy that indicate the need for solidarity and unity while having respect for the space of others.

Humanity could learn well the value of hearth and home if it took the time to watch a flock of pigeons or a grouping of doves.  Take a lesson from these soft, powdery bastions of Peace and allow their light to enter your soul.  Don't fear their presence because of the ignorance of superstition or the rhetoric of those who see them as nothing more than pests.  See the value in the dove and the pigeon and their meaning in the way of Mother Earth, Father Sky, and the Great Spirit; then allow that value to reveal to you your value here, as well.

An No --

I dont believe I am a flee-er of things  I believe in...I think I can get bored - yes - but I think if you are with the right person, and relationships, it is important to always remember what and why you love someone and keep it up with one another...
cant stop working on things when you get comfortable
And yes in 10 days I was head over hills madly crazily passionately deeply in love with you and ready to run away and start a life with you
In answer to your questions authentically...No if you were anyone else NO I wouldnt even consider such a thing so soon...but like I have said before and stand attest to still - I have always known you, loved you, not just in this life but from lifetimes before.
We have known each other for years and are bonded by one in heaven and I believe on earth you and my bond together is real...and that is why it is so strong now.
I love you.

Not Enough Time...And there is no, no song I could sing

Jack Johnson says it best.............I love you forever my penguin - may this song play in your head when you dream of us...........


There is no combination of words I could put on the back of a postcard
No song that I could sing, but I can try for your heart
Our dreams, and they are made out of real things
Like a, shoebox of photographs
With sepia-toned loving
Love is the answer,
At least for most of the questions in my heart
Like why are we here? And where do we go?
And how come it's so hard?
It's not always easy and
Sometimes life can be deceiving
I'll tell you one thing, it's always better when we're together

Mmm, it's always better when we're together
Yeah, we'll look at the stars when we're together
Well, it's always better when we're together
Yeah, it's always better when we're together

And all of these moments
Just might find their way into my dreams tonight
But I know that they'll be gone
When the morning light sings
And brings new things
For tomorrow night you see
That they'll be gone too
Too many things I have to do
But if all of these dreams might find their way
Into my day to day scene
I'd be under the impression
I was somewhere in between
With only two
Just me and you
Not so many things we got to do
Or places we got to be
We'll sit beneath the mango tree now

Yeah, it's always better when we're together
Mmm, we're somewhere in between together
Well, it's always better when we're together
Yeah, it's always better when we're together

Mmm, mmm, mmm

I believe in memories
They look so, so pretty when I sleep
Hey now, and when I wake up,
You look so pretty sleeping next to me
But there is not enough time,
And there is no, no song I could sing
And there is no combination of words I could say
But I will still tell you one thing
We're better together.

5.06

You

Only 2 Options here...

Okay – so I am going to have a quick venting session since I can’t put this in all of a text and you aren’t answering.

Last I spoke you were going to the doc and going to head back to work and call me, and meet me this evening.

Its been 2.5 hours and no text no call

I hope you are ok…

And if you are ok and just went home and didn’t call…Do me a favor don’t bother calling me tomorrow or ever again

If you are not ok and were admitted to the hospital…please disregard above statement and I love you and wish you well wishes and please update me ASAP!

Epiphany of my inner desire

Love letters pave the way to my heart and soul and heal the cracks of my heart.

Ok - maybe not....
cold turkey I guess because they dont have love chantix.

PS

PS - if you are worried about me - you may want to do more than just check my blog....dork
Or dont ...lol
glad thats the only reason you checked my blog not
Just admit you are missin me! ;)

Our fate -- again

Random:

I never get blocked calls accept from my realtor which I confirmed it was not her yesterday

And you got one which you never get except from me…which I did not call

Weird

My friend asked well then who do you think it was?

My automatic response: God

She says “Really?”

I say “ reminding us of each other”

Sounds about right don’t you think?

Numbers and Figures, fireworks….magic

Yep that sounds about right

(I promise I didn’t call yesterday – but love the coincidence for both of us)

And you say God is smarter than that and no need to remind - us ok how about the angels/cupid....maybe - maybe not
But i like to believe in the extraordinary....just sayin'

The fight

Only hours and a few days without you and I'm wondering what  am I fighting for?
He looks at me in the morning and greets me with a smile and sweeps all the dust and muck under the rug again and affirms that he loves me after the tumultuous nights
And I wonder if he looks at me as the person he enables to bring down and be a hero to in myself hatred
And he asks why I turn away and don't accept his advances because it's not good to ignore years of the lies that have put barriers in front of us that I haven't seen his eyes in years and he hasnt looked into my soul for half a decade
What am I fighting for
The only thing that matters anymore is this little soul we prayed for god to bring to us and now I go back on my previous commitments because I am not in love as I would hope
How selfish of me to walk away from a little boy who loves us more than all the worlds mnms and popcorn
So I suppose I fight for that boy as to never lose the light in his eyes no matter how blackened my soul is or cracked my heart becomes
Because it was my decision to promise a life of love to him and so I fight another day and fake it til I make it
Because the one I love may never come back to rescue me and I am too tired to save myself from this world I have created with the one that I share a bed

3:15am insomniac

And the cycle begins
I wake up from floating my soul was trying to fly and meet you in the night but I lay bdck down in my bed And sleep to only go back  into dreaming again of you
This time we are in my childhood home but I am a married adult staying with my parents
You sneak into my room and lay down with me
I kiss your face and tell you how I've missed you
You hold me and I whisper in your ear that I love you "I can feel it " " can you feel it"
( jjs and I use to say that) strange

We get into a little argument And you put your shoes on ready to leave but instead you lay with me and relish the moments and then my mom barges in after my BFF left the room to make a call to "cancel" her date with " the other man". ( I know she wasnt canceling " and my mom falls to her knees and tells me not to go to work I need to call in sick and we need to talk I cried and asked that she let you stay
And I go barreling thru the hallway to talk to you and then I woke shaken a nightmare
The thought of losing you, you leaving me is a nightmare
3:15am and the nightmares and dreams begin again
In this state of separation my subconscious and soul are reaching you in dreams and nightmares to feel your love
Now to try and sleep again
Insomnia is no good

random thought 2.03pm

You are overwhelmed and I am sorry for you and me
 in or out of your life doesnt serve me or you in this state of living.
I love you and hope you are happy
When you need a friend you know where I am - soul mates, best friends, connected through the souls of the earth...I love you and will do all that I can to be supportive of your choices, your needs and although it is not easy, love is love and love should not be only self serving....even though I can be so often.
love you BTH! Always

Whats the Point

This is like my place to be free. and free my thoughts and emotions and my tears that need to be written
whats the point you see it all and I only have pieces of you if you even care to see or respond to my thoughts...
whats the point.....
No point....
I am better off dissapearing into the abyss
of non existence
lives would forever be changed and for the better.........without my self destructive notions
But my son....he is the only one I fear for --- I need to be here for him................fake it til I make it although I am dead inside too.

Me

I wanna move far away
If I didnt have Ben I wouldnt stay here anymore....
all an illusion and I am tired of being unloved and unwanted and shamed I want a new life
Learn to be alone live alone die alone

Ilyfe

I love you
And hope u find peace and happiness
With or without me

Take care

I saw your response on my blog
I love you take time for you
for yourself
love yourself
be good to yourself
I love you and you need me to be out of your life to get good.
I will and I am here for you always
 I will try to ease up and really let you take care of you I love you always!
I dont think right now I am good for you, maybe one day but I think you are feeling pressure and its making you sick and coming out of your body through your ulcers your lethargy
your depression and anger
Take your vitamins...drink a lot of water....take nightly walks and get good.
I love you BH now and always.
I will miss you! But know that I carry a part of you inside of me.

Love love

Just thinking about you hovering over my body while I lay on
ny stomach and chest and feel you slide in and out of
me your hand around my neck in such a vulnerable state but feeling ecstasy and safety in this moment of pleasure.
I love you love love and will dream of our meeting again in the place we can call out home, the place I will rush from work to, to be seen in your eyes the feeling of love that moves planets and makes magic in our souls lighting darkness all around the universe and warming the cold places because the passion and fire in us saves souls.
Love you then now and thousands more
My soul mate my love my second half
I guess 95% is better than 50/50 ... I'll see you on the other side
Culdesac paths being laid out for us to travel
Meet you in the center of our one heart when we become the whole we have been missin
AbSOULute love
Muahhhh xoxoxo