I love you

I love you from the core of my soul and being  - I love you so much I am destroying it as to not ever let it destroy me.
When I am without you I die a little more every second.
So better to kill it then to let it ever kill me right?

I dont know if I believe that, but I do know that I tend to self destruct and corrupt as to save my ego...because I cant be hurt again, so I have always done that...I need to change I know.
But it is hard to grow from this and allow this love to become more powerful than me, let it control all I have become...
I became a person that is strong and exists in a place with mindful existence, a person that doesnt let their heart control their head..a person who is rational, a person who knows that love like fairytales are for the dreamers.

No but who I am is a dreamer - I always have been and you have brought me back to this place,my authentic self, the lover, the dreamer, the believer, the drifter, the poet...And I am scared....I am scared because everything I worked to become is not who I really am and not who I was meant to be...and I am vulnerable and in love, like I haven't been in love for many years.
I am destroying something beautiful and magical because you brought me back to life and I am afraid to live like this..because when I live like this I have to feel everything and in every passion there are tears being shed...and the highs are so magnificent that the lows can make you bleed...but to bleed means that you are alive...I am alive again...and afraid.

But know that I love you soooo much
you are a blessing and a curse...my blessing is... you have awoken me and my curse is...you have awoken me.

I love you and I will forever be greatful soulfully although outwardly and from my egotistical point of view I am angry ...because I am in a position to fall from cloud nince and I dont want to be so weak.

Thank you for giving me the gift of passionately feeling within and inspiring me to come from within ....that I can write from my heart - the heart that once was black is now beating passionately and deeply and crazy. I am alive -- yes alive.