Illusion

Sometimes I feel like I am a big game to you
...waiting for you to care
...waiting for you to call
...waiting for you to play ,return the ball to me, as I wait in the court with my tennis racket in hand like a lonely girl in a skirt, sun beating down on me
...and I am sweating so much you cant see my tears.
The waiting is so painful but wondering if you even care is worse,
....because if you cared I wouldnt have to wait on you endlessly.
Longing for you, as you go home to your life and tell her that you love her....I try to believe you dont and you really only love me...I am torturing myself.
Its as if your words are my savior and my sword...they save me in the day but at night the words carve into my soul and heart and I bleed from the inside out and hope that in the morning you can bandage me with your words so magical, but like magic it is an illusion and I bleed again.