When I love - I love with my whole heart and when I lose that love my whole heart breaks.
Its a strong muscle and has endured physical and emotional abuse for over 30 years...at what point will it just stop being subjected to the painful situations I put it in?
Maybe because, maybe, maybe just one day the pain will be a distant memory and love will be all that lives there.
One day....
The dreamer in me is still hopeful....
The realist knows that this is the last time I will subject myself to the pain that love has done to me.
Mediocricy
Its safe and enough....I have lived and known many types of loves and experienced loves that some can never even imagine...and for that -- I am done going in search for the one thing that can destroy my existence.
I am ok that we are done...I have to be because I can never feel like this again...although it was good to feel so alive - -the depression is too much to bear ever again.
He had that love and when he died he took it with him...and you walked in and he poured that love back into me to share with you .....
Why?
It was all for nothing...fooled again.
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
No Good
I haven't been a good friend to you - and I think I actually do mean what I said:
Love Reign Supreme...
if you can weather this storm with her...you may find that your Love Reign Supreme with her...and you find true happiness.
Anything worth having doesnt come easy....work for your marriage love.
I love you.
I have been an awful friend to you.
I am sorry.
I am NO GOOD for you ----- No Good.
Love Reign Supreme...
if you can weather this storm with her...you may find that your Love Reign Supreme with her...and you find true happiness.
Anything worth having doesnt come easy....work for your marriage love.
I love you.
I have been an awful friend to you.
I am sorry.
I am NO GOOD for you ----- No Good.
"what is meant to be will be"
"what is meant to be will be"
So what this is after 8 years is what?
Does fate come to those that wait or do you have to go for what you desire for destiny to assist you?
You know the old saying:
"Even if you are on the right track you will get ran over if you just sit there"
Apparently we sat there too long...my heart is run over crippled mangled...dead.
Remember
My mean words are a defense mechanism and definitely not from a loving place because I feel detroyed.
I want you to be happy - and you said you want me to be happy...when I am with you I am happy...and since I cant be with you - my happiness is misery.
So you cant have what you want..my happiness and neither can I
Remember you are a beautiful heart, a beautiful soul and deserve amazing extraordinary things and I love you and want that for you - so please delete from your memory the mean things I say to you - because you are beautiful to me.
And this was whatever it was -- some day we will know.
Love you beautiful man.
Always.
I want you to be happy - and you said you want me to be happy...when I am with you I am happy...and since I cant be with you - my happiness is misery.
So you cant have what you want..my happiness and neither can I
Remember you are a beautiful heart, a beautiful soul and deserve amazing extraordinary things and I love you and want that for you - so please delete from your memory the mean things I say to you - because you are beautiful to me.
And this was whatever it was -- some day we will know.
Love you beautiful man.
Always.
Numb
Drink until my heart cannot feel anymore
A goal to be numb and never feel what I view as love
My skewed version of love is that love has to hurt to be real....thats not love
Not love - my poor little girl heart thinks that... because he once broke my heart "my one true love"
But he didnt love me and neither do you
I will self destruct until my heart destructs that it can no longer beat
Because only then will I be free of this "love" that I long for that destroys my being.
Numb my heart with mean bitter thoughts and eventually it will close up that there will not even be a crack that "love" could seep in or out.
But the love I have had will live in the universe somewhere hidden away knowing that at one time...this cold soul loved once...even when it was not returned.
A goal to be numb and never feel what I view as love
My skewed version of love is that love has to hurt to be real....thats not love
Not love - my poor little girl heart thinks that... because he once broke my heart "my one true love"
But he didnt love me and neither do you
I will self destruct until my heart destructs that it can no longer beat
Because only then will I be free of this "love" that I long for that destroys my being.
Numb my heart with mean bitter thoughts and eventually it will close up that there will not even be a crack that "love" could seep in or out.
But the love I have had will live in the universe somewhere hidden away knowing that at one time...this cold soul loved once...even when it was not returned.
No more
All I know is this is painful and ridiculous and honestly I am emotionally overdone
I am up and down and nothing really changes…only periodically.
You still “love” me in limits and even when time is permitting – you still LIMIT it as make sure not to rock your boat at home and her….because I believe at some level you really have been going home and showing love and affection because you do not really want it over with her.
I am sick about us – this – broken hearted again – you got a call and made sure you left promptly and then you promised to see me in the morning and completely “Forgot” “Oveslept” or whatever…..
Priority not = back burner yes
I am hurt beyond words..and although I love you I cant do this anymore.
My heart has been hurt too much and I cant
We should just call this what it is - over.
Work on your life and we will end this now in order to salvage what is left of my soul and I hope I can be whole again...over time I believe I will be.
Save your marriage and go in peace my friend.
Love you now and forever.
Remember me....
Maybe in 8 more years time and circumstances will change...wishing you love and above all happiness in your lifes journey.
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