I feel done at home
I feel done with everything
I feel worthless
Unloved
A burden
A person living with a stranger
I'm done
Depression kills him kills me
I'm done
I'm better off alone and so is he
He is so angry with me
Fuckitol
I can't fake it

Awesome

I hate not being able to text or call you whenever I want
Anyways just checking out your Facebook and want to tell you how awesome
you are!
Winning both races in a row is bad ass so proud of you
Love you that's all goodnight

Everything was good and all because I wrote nnnnnnnn you tell me I'm
Fucked up and your done
What was that all about
Why are you hurting me after all the talks we had and time we spent talking about how much we hate being mean to each other
How is that serving you? Why are you hurting me! I am only sending you love and you shut me down do easy to say fuck you really what's the reasoning behind that?

Wicked Memories

--------------what a Wicked night ------------

8

I guess everything that has been said is all that needs to be said
Our lives came together for a reason but now we move in separate directions
The idea of the heart culdesac will always intrigue me
It's a love story worth writing in the sands of time
A fantasy or say fairytales which the lover in me will dream of while I sleep
However while I am awake I need to forget the dreams which hold me captive in my subconscious state
It seems I've said too much or maybe not enough
Or that you wish not to hear my voice over the universal sounds that I send out while you also sleep
Will you come here again, maybe my sharp tongue has scared you away for the last time
Maybe I did it on purpose to protect myself somehow
But I miss you coming here
Although maybe it is all for the best now
I hope you remember the roses and soon all the thorns will be but a distant memory
And your love will live on even if only when you sleep

3/28/13

I was thinking this morning, that many years ago when you were on Micah and we had an encounter...then you chose her and left me
and you are there with her after all these years....you chose to be with her...and completely abandoned me many years ago
I dont know what I am fighting for anymore
You arent fighting for "us" or me or anything...you just go on as if everything and nothing that we experienced together and the words you fed me....meant anything to you.
Over the past year you have pushed me repeatedly on the back burner and shown me how unimportant I really am and I am obviously trying to prove to you that I am worth something...maybe myself, that I am worth something....but I shouldnt be basing my self worth on someone who NEVER valued me or what I have to offer 9 years ago or even now.
I fucking love you and I wish I didnt ever fall for you...I suppose it was the connection of Jason that drew us together...it makes sense that he was the love of my life and you his best friend...your manarisms are similar and even the way you treat me is the same...like shit
Its as if I am trying to heal from that part of my life through you but I am a fool to suffer like that again, when I have a man in my life who loves and adores me and puts me first above all.....
I obviously am really screwed up - like a masochist, as if I havent already endured so much shit by the time I was 22 years old
I am repeating old patterns apparently because I havent learned.
You do not love me - you cannot love me -- this is not love
This is me wanting to be loved by you and asking you to "love me" and you oblige with words but your actions are not in line with your words...and so I long for it to prove something to myself and in this vortex I am not seeing the real truth
Its as if I want to know that what Jason and I had was supreme - because I feel so similar about you as I did him and now I want it to be real and be happy ever after with you because of how in love with you I feel as I did with him....
I have been blessed and cursed to be so in love with --- but i have been cursed because the ones I have loved in such a way could never love me in return.
Its not yours or his fault - you both are not built that way...and I have been given a gift of a beautiful life and someone who wants to take care of me and love me
and although at times I wish it were you that loved me in such a way - you dont - you cant and I need to walk away.
I will miss who I thought you were....but who you are is not who I have dreamt up in my fairytale world - you know that and I know that.....
its all a fantasy
that I lost myself in ---
May God come into me and you and release the demons that have been born in this wicked affair...
The sins of our hearts have destroyed a lot of my life and all I can do now is do whats right and try to fix this darkness which encompasses my life since we met.
So sad -- that I believed it was a Godsend but time is showing me that it was the Devil in disguise ruining our lives.
I will always love who I thought you were....he was beautiful,caring, charming, extraordinary, the one who believed love conquered all...my prince charming, to save me.....
I wont forget that "you" - that you inspired me .....
and I will forever love my true love in which at one moment in time - love reigned supreme....
A dream so magnificent -- I wont forget that feeling.

Nothing left...............













NOTHING