The fight

Only hours and a few days without you and I'm wondering what  am I fighting for?
He looks at me in the morning and greets me with a smile and sweeps all the dust and muck under the rug again and affirms that he loves me after the tumultuous nights
And I wonder if he looks at me as the person he enables to bring down and be a hero to in myself hatred
And he asks why I turn away and don't accept his advances because it's not good to ignore years of the lies that have put barriers in front of us that I haven't seen his eyes in years and he hasnt looked into my soul for half a decade
What am I fighting for
The only thing that matters anymore is this little soul we prayed for god to bring to us and now I go back on my previous commitments because I am not in love as I would hope
How selfish of me to walk away from a little boy who loves us more than all the worlds mnms and popcorn
So I suppose I fight for that boy as to never lose the light in his eyes no matter how blackened my soul is or cracked my heart becomes
Because it was my decision to promise a life of love to him and so I fight another day and fake it til I make it
Because the one I love may never come back to rescue me and I am too tired to save myself from this world I have created with the one that I share a bed