I cant believe how sad I really am right now...you are not coming back and my heart dropped.

I wonder if you wonder like I do?
I wonder if you ponder like I do.
I imagine many things, circumstances and possibilities and then I realize that my imagination cant get the best of me, take the best of me.
I don't like feeling unwanted, my insecurites take over and I drive myself in circles with what ifs, and how abouts?
Why dont you look at me like before?
I wait for your cue and I wait again....my longing to be touched by you, held and kissed by you, saddens me, maddens me?
When will we meet again?

Sadness created by my own free will...I will deceive myself, create pain and will create the sadness in my heart
Oh how easy actions can take you to that place, of sadness, defeat and worry.

All I ask is for a little of your time,
Why do I bother, when I know your'e not mine
You look at me today as if yesterday didnt mean a thing
Today means more when you bear your ring
I will pretend, and befriend and let this all come to an end
Because I know the message you are trying to send

Feel

It seems that when my feelings get the best of me, I weaken, wither and then stand taller and stronger than I need to be, as to not feel.
Feelings are a sign of weakness in my eyes, when you feel, you are opening yourself up to get hurt.
I'd rather not hurt, I have hurt enought in this lifetime for three lifetimes.
So I shield, and stop everything as to not let it penetrate me, absorb my mind, my well being, but it does...it does and I weaken again.
Then I waiver and say to myself - go ahead and feel...and I do again.