We are now trying to find freedom in the prisons we longed to leave. Our homes in which we lay yet longed for another The separation has begun but are separating from the right person?only time will tell . All I know is I love you and want to be supportive even if it hurts to tell you good bye. All I can imagine right now is the blue dragonfly that danced among us in the park expressing soulful depth in our live. The fingertips which elevated us to a high on a random Tuesday. The fireworks exploding a top lone mountain shouting love has been found. And the multitudes of pigeons representing the love of someone who had passed showing the love we longed for. But now we say good bye and I wish you well in finding your destiny. Like the roots of the trees from centuries past our love lives in the souls of the earth. Fly my love fly and may our wings flitter together in another life. My penguin.

Karma

Really - what the fuck did you mean by that? The only lying and living a lie has to do with me - so you are inadvertantly blaming me for the karma in your life? we are a lie? the love was a lie - you think God works that way? You have no idea how that hurt me. Ask your therapist about that? What happened and what you said to me - about Karma....you really feel like the lies you have are not related to me? No you know its me....you are relating your Karma bad to the lies with me which in turn has to do with Betty and now your dad getting sick? I hate you feel that way. I hope you know God doesnt work that way. If you really feel that way, then I guess you have no other choice but to completely stop any contact with me because I am the cause of anything that could be bad in your life - how could you love someone if you feel that they cause your life nothing but bad life. I am so sorry about your dad...and I believe everything is going to be ok and I will pray for him. I just wish you never said that to me without explanation because all I can do is make my own conclusion and with the conclusion I have come to by that statement hurts me more than anything you have said to this point in our lives and I cant be in the life of anyone that feels that I am the cause of your bad karma...when we have hidden our love - i never felt that it was a lie becuase of the "magic" we felt - it was all my imagination and yours as well for you to now call it your "karma" for the bad things in your life. I dont think I can forgive you if thats what you are saying and in that case I have no choice but to let you go live a happy truthful life because I love you and would never want to be the cause of your dismay and bad karma - thats not love. WOW Do you have any idea what you said and how that came off honestly?????? Dagger to my fucking soul and a a huge fucking bomb to what we shared - its as if it was all for nothing - and you have always viewed US as the reason for any mishaps in your life.....how could you say you love someone and feel that way? I feel like I am going to throw up and want to take back everything that we ever shared for you to feel I am the cause of any of the people you loves ill happenings. WOW I have no words right now to even convey the disgust I feel from your statement - inadvertantly blaming me - wtf You really should think before you speak your words have destroyed any future I ever thought we could be - because in the back of my mind and depth of my soul any life we may have ever chosen to live together as "one" I will always feel like you blame me for anything wrong in your life as your QUOTE un QUOTE Karma...think about that. You should really try to explain - or seriously just never contact me again.... I will always love you but I cant be loved by someone that internally blames me for any future things that happen bad in their life - Life is just that - good, bad, beautiful, sad but sometimes magical...and provides a love that reigns supreme and I dont believe a Love that Reigns Supreme could ever be "bad" "Karma" - in my opinion maybe we dont share the same soul because by that statement I am bewildered and cannot even fathom - implying such a thing to my so - called "soul mate" I am very very confused and hurt that you would even think such a thing....it shows how much you do not have regard for who you say I was in your life - "true love" Whoa ------ God save me right now - I am so so so so in shock and disbelief. Maybe it was my interpretation - but you not explaining ---- makes me have no choice to hear it as you said it/

Questions to ask yourself when trying to find your passion

1.Whats important to you? (not just right now? – but in general important to you?) 2. What would you do if you knew you could not fail? 3. What do you love about yourself? (the things we love about ourselves hold clues to what we can do to serve other people or serve ourselves) 4. What would you do if money was not a concern in your life? 5. What do you fantasize about while driving in the car that you never want to tell anyone about? 6. What would you regret not having done if your life was ending? (anytime you are considering doing anything new in your life this is a question you should ask yourself, on your deathbed, would you regret or not regret having done this? usually the things you are the things you feel afraid of and excited about are the very things you would regret, which is a signal that it is time to move forward and not let fear stop you) – We need to be able to move through fear in order to discover the things we are passion about

Letting Go...

When a relationship ends, it’s tempting to dwell on what you did wrong or what you could have done differently. This might seem productive—like you can somehow change things by rehashing it. You can’t. All dwelling does is cause you to suffer. When you start revisiting the past in your head, pull yourself into the moment. Focus on the good things in your current situation: the friends who are there for you and the lessons you’ve learned that will help you with future relationships. It might help to tell your friends to only let you vent for 10 minutes at a time. That way you’re free to express your feelings, but not drown in them. 2. Work on forgiving yourself. You might think you made the biggest mistake of your life, and if only you didn’t do it you wouldn’t be in pain right now. Don’t go down that road—there’s nothing good down there! Instead, keep reminding yourself that you are human. You’re entitled to make mistakes; everyone does. And you will learn from them and use those lessons to improve your life. Also, keep in mind: if you want to feel love again in the future, the first step is to prepare yourself to give and receive it. You can only do that if you feel love toward yourself; and that means forgiving yourself. 3. Don’t think about any time as lost. If I looked at that unhealthy relationship or the following decade as time lost, I’d underestimate all the amazing things I did in that time. True, I was single throughout my 20s, but that made it easier to travel and devote myself to different passions. If you’ve been clinging to the past for a while and now feel you’ve missed out, shift the focus to everything you’ve gained. Maybe you’ve built great friendships or made great progress in your career. When you focus on the positive, it’s easier to move on because you’ll feel empowered and not victimized (by your ex, by yourself, or by time.) Whatever happened in the past, it prepared you for now—and now is full of opportunities for growth, peace, and happiness. 4. Remember the bad as well as the good. Brain scientists suggest nearly 20 percent of us suffer from “complicated grief”—a persistent sense of longing for someone we lost with romanticized memories of the relationship. Scientists also suggest this is a biological occurrence; that the longing can have an addictive quality to it, actually rooted in our brain chemistry. As a result, we tend to remember everything with reverie, as if it was all sunshine and roses. If your ex broke up with you, it may be even more tempting to imagine she or he was perfect and you weren’t. In all reality, you both have strengths and weaknesses and you both made mistakes. Remember them now. As I mentioned in the post 40 Ways to Let Go and Feel Less Pain, it’s easier to let go of a human than a hero. 5. Reconnect with who you are outside a relationship. Unless you hop from relationship to relationship, odds are you lived a fulfilling single life before you got into this one. You were strong, satisfied and happy—at least on the whole. Remember that person now. Reconnect with any people or interests that may have received less attention while you were attached. The strong, happy, passionate person you were attracted your ex. That person will get you through this loss and attract someone equally amazing in the future when the time is right. Not a sad, depressed, guilt-ridden person clutching to what once was. If you can’t remember who you are, get to know yourself now. What do you love about life? 6. Create separation. Hope can be a terrible thing if it keeps you stuck in the past. It’s not easy to end all contact when you feel attached to someone. Breaking off the friendship might feel like ruining your chances at knowing love again. It’s helped me to change my hopes to broader terms. So instead of wanting a specific person to re-enter your life, want love and happiness—whatever that may look like. You will know love again. You won’t spend the rest of your life alone. In one way or another, you will meet all kinds of people and create all kinds of possibilities for relationships—if you forgive yourself, let go, and open yourself up, that is. 7. Let yourself feel. Losing a relationship can feel like a mini-death, complete with a grieving process. First you’re shocked and in denial. You don’t believe it’s over and you hold out hope. Next you feel hurt and guilty. You should have done things differently. If you did you wouldn’t be in this pain. Then you feel angry and maybe even start bargaining. It would be different if you gave it a second go. You wouldn’t be so insecure, defensive, or demanding. Then you might feel depressed and lonely as it hits you how much you’ve lost. Eventually you start accepting what happened and shift your focus from the past to the future. You have to go through the feelings as they come, but you can help yourself get through them faster. For example, if you’re dwelling in guilt, make forgiving yourself a daily practice. Read books on it, meditate about it or write about it in a journal. 8. Remember the benefits of moving on. When you let go, you give yourself peace. Everything about holding on is torturous. You regret, you feel ashamed and guilty, you rehash, you obsess—it’s all an exercise in suffering. The only way to feel peace is to quiet the thoughts that threaten it. Letting go opens you up to new possibilities. When you’re holding onto something, you’re less open to giving and receiving anything else. If you had your arms wrapped around a huge bucket of water, you wouldn’t be able to give anything other than that bucket, or grab anything else that came your way. You might even struggle breathing because you’re clutching something so all-encompassing with so much effort. You have to give to receive. Give love to get love, share joy to feel joy. It’s only possible if you’re open and receptive. 9. Recognize and replace fearful thoughts. When you’re holding onto a relationship, it’s usually more about attachment than love. Love wants for the other person’s happiness. Fear wants to hold onto whatever appears to make you happy so you don’t have to feel the alternative. You might not recognize these types of fearful thoughts because they become habitual. Some examples include: I’ll never feel loved again. I’ll always feel lonely. I am completely powerless. Replace those thoughts with: All pain passes eventually. It will be easier if I help them pass by being mindful. I can’t always control what happens to me, but I can control how I respond to it. 10. Embrace impermanence. Nothing in life lasts forever. Every experience and relationship eventually runs its course. The best way to embrace impermanence is to translate it into action. Treat each day as a life unto itself. Appreciate the people in front of you as if it were their last day on earth. Find little things to gain in every moment instead of dwelling on what you lost. When I feel like clinging to experiences and people, I remind myself the unknown can be a curse or an adventure. It’s up to me whether or not I’m strong and positive enough to see it as the latter. – It took me eight years to work through my feelings about relationships and letting go; but I am happy to report I am 15 months into a healthy relationship, standing firmly on my own two feet. In fact, last night he flew from California to Boston, where I’ve been visiting for the last two weeks, to spend time with me and my family. I don’t regret the time when I was single, but I know now I could have hurt less and created even more possibilities for myself if I put more effort into completely letting go. I hope you’ll make that choice.

Without A Trace

And so the cycle and downturn begins again Remnants of your fingertips imprinted on my skin The wallowing inside hollowing out the weekend Sheets between our naked bodies has come to beacon I lay in the night waiting for your text I hear nothing from you as if it was shallow sex Your eyes spoke differently your hands with love so pure But after you leave without a trace I begin to feel insecure I ask you to see me as I sit all alone You reply it's too hard and don't pick up the phone So I ponder how in one moment we sink into this hole Is it the guilt constricting our love that has once our goal? You shut down I break open you don't say a word and remain unspoken From open to closed in just a few hours Forgetting our moments our beautiful showers Laying side by side juices combined Now feeling so alone my love is confined You don't hear what I say nor do you want to see my face A love so loud now gone without a trace

Without a Trace

And so the cycle and downturn begins again Remnants of your fingertips imprinted on my skin The wallowing inside hollowing out the weekend Sheets between our naked bodies has come to beacon I lay in the night waiting for your text I hear nothing from you as if it was shallow sex Your eyes spoke differently your hands with love so pure But after you leave without a trace I begin to feel insecure I ask you to see me as I sit all alone  You reply it's too hard and don't pick up the phone So I ponder how in one moment we sink into this hole Is it the guilt constricting our love that has once our goal? You shut down I break open you don't say a word and remain unspoken From open to closed in just a few hours Forgetting our moments our beautiful showers Laying side by side juices combined Now feeling so alone my love is confined You don't hear what I say nor do you want to see my face A love so loud now gone without a trace 

Wheres love?

I can only imagine why you didn't call text or blog me tonight  I'm sure you've gone into shut down mode  And I just don't understand that after the time we spent together I was feeling pretty empty in the house after you left 2hours felt like weeks but I'm ok I just go from high to a low and a simple message changes my world but I know I need to change that perception being alone is not always my strong suit and to know you're missing us like I do makes a big difference I love you You can call me whenever when you go to work  My phone is on and I'm here thinking of us... Of you  Come by if you'd like I would enjoy you in my sleep Xo

I miss you

This weekend went by way too fast and I can barely stand my own company Feeling alone and bring here with the tv and couch and not able to nap or ease into my own skin without you here I miss you so much So many more hours that I long to be near you to share minutes and previous moments in elevated sobriety But instead I grab a beer so I don't need to think Fuck I miss you  I wish you were here

Miss you already I loved our moments every moment I love you Still could have more moments of course when you leave I think of another thing I wished I would have said or did or the time was it well spent? I just love you !

Irritated - wtf

Whats going on ? Why arent you calling or texting me back or even coming on here to keep in touch with me. I have called you hundreds of times and you are completely ignoring me and not taking a moment to even respond.I saw you were on FB a couple hours ago and your work phone is saying that my texts are being delivered. Whats going on? To be honest I am getting really fucking irritated

What's up ?!

What's going on? U alright? Feels like sumpthins up... Like my text just be real it's all good ily

Kao

Love you hope ur missin n lovin me LLL

It's a beautiful night Love you

Tried calling no answer

Well the article is fucked up but probably truer than I want to believe Oh well Congrats!!!! 2nd place you know if u were in the car you would have won it! Hope ur having a great weekend Need to go get smog oil change and car wash tomorrow so if u wanna come join me for run around town lmk LY Hope you had a great time at the race 2nd place is awesome !!!!

"Crazy"

Thats all you thought about that article??????????

A Letter to the Wife of My Boyfriend - Article INTERESTING READ

Dear Wife of My Boyfriend, I’m not sorry. I’ve done countless undeniably repulsive things — all without an ounce of regret. I kissed him on the stoop of your house while your birthday party was blazing in the backyard. I didn’t wake him when he fell asleep after sex, so he’d spend the entire night in my bed. I made sure (you don’t want to know how) he stayed over far longer than he intended to and had to rush home at 3:30 a.m. without showering first. He must have reeked of my scent when he walked in your bedroom door. I took pleasure in knowing that. It all started at the exact moment you think it did: the night we double-dated. Remember the way he made me laugh that night, how that made you feel? Your instincts were right. For weeks, I kept it a secret. But one night, after too many tequila shots, I finally confessed the affair to my friend May. She’s married. She hates me now. “How could you, as a woman, do something like that to another woman?” she said. Most of my married friends who are women had the same indignant take. Funny, my married friends who are men were all for it. They envied me. I never understood May’s assertion that there’s some sort of sisterhood I’m betraying. I don’t believe in a loyalty we all owe each other as women. I do believe that I owe it to myself to fall in love and stay in love for as long as is humanly possible. I wish someone else, in some other circumstances, had said it, but I actually agree with what Woody Allen said to justify schtupping his step-daughter. “The heart wants what the heart wants.” It’s been a year now since your husband broke up with me. He didn’t do it for you, or to save your marriage. He did it because our relationship had reached a point that it was causing me more pain than it was bringing me joy. He knew he would never leave you and the kids. He knew how much it hurt me every time he kissed me goodbye to come home to you. Cheating on you, he could live with. Hurting me, he couldn’t bear. You hate me, I know, and you always will. But sometimes I wish we could talk. I wish we could sit at a bar and I could explain to you why we did what we did. If we could do that, if you and I could get drunk together, there’s one story I’d want to tell you. Because I’m not a bad person, I’m not a heartless person. I would tell you this story because it might give you some comfort or satisfaction or sense of vengeance or, most likely, a combination of all three to hear it. One night, I was walking down 8th Street and I passed the restaurant you two go to on Friday nights. I looked through the window of the restaurant and you were at the window table. I glanced over at a moment that was so impeccably timed that if it had been a movie scene, it would have been one of those “yeah-right” moments people in the audience despise. I saw the expression on his face — that smile, the way his chin was tucked, that slightly inebriated and unmistakably seductive glint in his eye. What I saw that night caused me as much pain as I could ever cause you. I saw that he loves us both.

?

Yes I know it was me And u knew it was me not Ron so why wouldn't you say anything? What do u mean by "I'm trying to get stronger I love you please try and not judge me ever step of the way" stay strong I love you and hope u are happy I don't want to play games I want to talk I just think that if we see each other it makes it worse Right? I don't know Call when u want

Ok? Well?

So thats it - "you hate your life" You cant expand on that really? I havent talked to you in a week - we havent seen eachother for a week and a half you have written me a total of maybe 30 words in all 13 days And then when Ron facebooked you when you didnt have "service" you couldnt say anything really?????? Really? What the hell - why are you not even talking to me at all... I told you i dont want to see you - but cant we talk - can you fucking tell me whats going on? What happened? Why were you so detached from me that whole time - and so unexcited to call/talk or even see me when you got back? Talk to me you said you would call me back - does that mean today? or just whenever you get bored? I guess you dont need to say anything to me right? But it would be nice to have some answers - and hear your side of things....